1. Hum, America the Beautiful. Encourage others to join in.
2. Wear a bulky, well used Army fatigue jacket. Act nervous. Ask other passengers if they know how to turn a detonator off.
3. Hit the emergency stop button. Yell, “Nobody move!” and act like you just lost a contact lens. Do not let them re-start the elevator until you have found it.
4. Wear a dark suit and dark glasses. Talk into your sleeve like a secret service agent. Loudly claim you have spotted the suspect and go on to physically describe one of the passengers on the elevator. Verify the sniper is in position for when the elevator doors open.
5. Wear a track suit. Jog in place the entire time. If someone asks, tell them you are preparing for the Stationary Olympics.
6. Bring in a realistic doll in a baby carriage. When the elevator doors open, push the baby carriage out. You stay on and continue to ride the elevator. This works well with escalators as well.
7. Set up a popcorn machine in the back corner. Sell snacks.
8. Stand outside the doors with a scale and a clip board. Weigh people as they get in. Nod concernedly. Shrug your shoulders. Tell them good luck as they get in. This helps if you have some sort of safety inspector or maintenance type outfit.
9. Set a portable camping toilet inside the elevator. Pull down your pants and sit on it while reading a newspaper. When the doors open, yell at the people that you would like some privacy.
10. Flash a badge to all incoming passengers. Claim to be the Elevator Marshall. Proceed to question them about their destination, business, and if they have anything to declare.
11. Ask each passenger individually, “You smell that?”
12. When the elevator is fully loaded, say to everyone, “I suppose you’re wondering why I called you all here…”
13. Wear a t-shirt with the words “Professional Pocket Pool Player” screen printed on it. Put your hands in your pockets. Go to town. If someone interrupts you, explain you are practicing for League night.