Things I couldn’t care less about.

I am already pre-presuming that just because you are here reading this, doesn’t necessarily mean you care about what I don’t care about.  I will guess that maybe you just are bored and accidentally clicked on this link instead of your Farmville app or something.  I just wanted to clarify that I do not exalt myself enough to think that anyone could possibly give a shit about my opinions.  I’m just trying to write.

I do not care about LeBron.  I don’t know him personally.  If I were to make a guess, I’m guessing he is a bit of a self-absorbed asshole.  It is quite possible that I would be too, if I were a multi-millionaire by the age of 19.  BTW, anyone that thinks that big time high school and collegiate athletes do not get paid, should really look into how in the hell LeBron was able to bus himself and his classmates to school in a Hummer every day.  Yeah…I know…his Mom bought it for him…whatever.  Do me a favor and just assume I’m not as dumb as I look.

If you are not a good friend nor a member of my immediate family, I don’t give a shit what your kids or grandkids look like.  If I ask for a photo, which I have been known to do, then please show it to me.  If not, then do not hand me one, because then I am put in that socially awkward position of having to pretend to care and that makes me feel like I am lying.  Oh wait…unless one of them has a pointy tail, scales, and a fifth limb growing from her torso….then please do assume, I would like to see the picture.

I do not care if the seat is down or up or if the toilet paper rolls off the roll from the top or the bottom.  Anyone who has spent more than one minute of their life, worrying about either or both of these things can please kill himself now.  Go ahead….I’ll wait.

There, we got rid of them. 

I do not care about HDL or LDL.  If I keep my fat intake reasonable and exercise fairly regularly then I will not monitor either of these unless my doctor looks at my bloodwork, faints on the spot, then gets up and calls the Guinness Book of World Records the moment he awakens.  I do my best to take care of myself while still having fun and the day I start looking at the lipid profiles of my food is the day I have abandoned the idea of any beauty in the art of living.

I couldn’t care less if Oprah has her own network.  I still won’t listen to her, Phil, Oz or any of the other talking heads.  I get it Dr. Phil…I should man up.  I get it Dr. Oz….exercise is good for me and I should not sleep with a bacon fat face mask.   I get it, Oprah…you love yourself.  Anyone who puts herself on every cover of her own magazine could have just a teensy ego problem you think?

I do not care how many band-aids we put on our education system.  I no longer care that teachers are blamed for everything from juvenile deliquency to every rolling stop ticket ever issued.  Until we admit that our education system is antiquated and no longer meets the needs of our modern society it is going to be a vastly inefficient vehicle for accomplishing anything.  Trust me, it isn’t because all our teachers suddenly decided to start sucking at their jobs.  It all needs to be blown up and we need to start from square one.   I could spout on this one forever, but my head is already starting to hurt from exercising rational thought processes so I should move on.

I don’t care what alphabet the local specialist put on you, ADD, ADHD, HD, EI, EMI, A.D.I.D.A.S. blah, blah, blah…fucking TRY and I will be your best pal.  I missed the memo where every kid tagged with a label in their record suddenly became a member of the sainthood and I could no longer attempt to get them to work hard because they must be regarded as immaculate.  I have said it many times, just because he/she has a disability, doesn’t mean he/she isn’t an asshole.  Guess what, regardless of ability, kids like to feel pushed.  How else will they ever enjoy a feeling of true accomplishment if someone doesn’t push them?

I don’t care if doctors went to eight years of university to get certified.  You bastards make serious cash….even the ones who suck.  The ones I know work about 3.5 days a week and yet very few of them can take the time to truly listen to my situation because in order to see all their patients they cram 50 appointments into a six hour workday.    I went to school for five years and I get paid shit, but I get ten weeks off in the summer.  That’s what I signed up for.  That’s what I got.  Hence, this is me not complaining.  So don’t give me all the crap about insurance costs, malpractice lawsuits, Obamacare, and sometimes having to accept less money to take care of a Medicare/Medicaid patient.  You earned your degree.  You earned your right to make a good living.  Now shut the fuck up about it and do it.

All out of time for this installment and my ire is getting angrier so I think I’ll take a break.


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