It’s not that I’m a bad person…

…it’s just that there is just sooo much stuff out there that I couldn’t give a fuck less about.

Is your homework late? If so…please put it in the trash. Unless the reason it is late is because last night you became a quadraplegic and you haven’t yet gotten used to typing with your breath activated stylus then…I don’t care. Any other excuse offered better involve some sort of bloodletting or you are wasting my time.

Here’s the thing, when I was in high school, if something horrible had happened the night before and I didn’t get my work in, then I got a zero on that assignment. However, in some sort of miraculous fashion, in a trend rarely seen today, I always kept my grades as high as possible in case something happened like that.

I believe I had something due the day after my grandfather died and I spent that night with my family instead of reading whatever chapter I was supposed to read. The next day at school the teacher asked, “Mr. Harris…where is your homework?” My response was, “I’m sorry, but I didn’t do it.” The end. I didn’t beg for more time. I just accepted it as something shitty that happened and technically I still COULD have done my homework, but I opted not to as I thought spending time with my family was more important. Guess I figured I’d just have to study harder for the next test to bring my grade back up. Shit happens. Was I supposed to blame the teacher? Blame grandpa for passing away on a school night? Heck, maybe if I had gotten the assignment done a day early instead of wasting my study hall time talking to girls, it wouldn’t have been an issue at all?

Not today. Oh heck no. You wouldn’t believe the crap I get for making due dates and sticking to them.

..but my pony was sick.

Does your pony usually help you with your homework?


I still don’t care, now go sit down.

I didn’t get it done because my girlfriend and I broke up last night.

Good.  Guess you will have more time for your homework in the future.  By the way, your girlfriend is today and always has been a whore.  Congratulations on finally figuring it out.  Now go sit down.

I didn’t get it done because I’m in a bad place right now.

YOU’RE in a bad place? You should be on the other side of this desk for a minute listening to the crap coming out of your mouth. Now THAT’S a bad place.  Now go sit down.

Can I take the test tomorrow? I didn’t get a chance to study because I had a basketball game.

So? I spent two hours at the grocery store,  got home and exercised my dog, cleaned up my dog’s puke from the living room carpet afterwards, then got online to shuffle money from account to account to minimize my latest bounced check damage, helped my kid with her homework, called the phone company to try to figure out how they screwed up my bill this time, worked on laundry mountain, all while mentally planning out everything I had to do at work today and drinking a liter of vodka.  I still got my shit done and I am hungover to boot. Fuck me. I WISH I had gotten to play basketball last night.  Now go sit down.

I’m not a bad person.  I just wish more people could just accept things and move on.  Always needing to find someone at fault for every bad thing that happens just leads to rampant self-pity. 


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