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Hoookay, well that weight of 265ish I mentioned in my last post. Better make that 270. Yay. Avoiding mirrors is getting to be one of my best talents. Despite that, once in a while when I get out of the shower I still slip up and glance to that reflective menace on my left and I am simply amazed at how much my upper body looks like a pile of mashed potatoes with nipples. Mmmm, mmm. That’s good eatin’.

Sigh…small steps. With that in mind I’m trying to slowly get my shiftless carcass used to activity again. I’m so far out of shape at this point that I have to get into shape before I can start working out again. The last three weekends I’ve managed to get a lot of yard work and errand running done. Tonight I even managed to come home after work and do a little gardening…a pasttime I have never liked, but I thought it might get me outside a little bit and provide some activity.

Getting off my ass after dinner is a big deal for me. I’ve been battling a thyroid condition for a few years now and my routine for most of the last year has involved struggling to remain awake at the wheel long enough to get home feed myself and go to sleep.

“Thyroid condition” Damn I hate that term. I used to constantly belittle those fat housewives who always pushed the blame for their ballooning asses off on a “thyroid condition.” I suppose it is poetic justice to a point for me to eventually find out that such a condition really does exist and really does suck big donkey dick. At least now I know I’m not crazy when I kept telling myself that I wasn’t eating enough calories to support my body weight all this time. It’s nice to be right once in a while.

So the immediate plan is to lose some of body fat through making a few dietary changes and hitting the heavy bag until I get back down to around 255 or so. By then I’ll feel a little more like a human being enough to get back into the gym. Right now, all my clothes look like I’m wearing spandex because it’s all so tight and uncomfortable. I do notice my mental faculties returning of late, too which is nice. Did you know that a severe thyroid disorder can affect your ability to think in complete sentences? At one point I thought I had finally had that one shot too many of whiskey and had finally fried the brain cells that were responsible for me being able to maintain enough of an attention span to wipe my own ass. I’m only partly joking about that. Nothing like having a handful of dirty toilet paper and having to exercise extreme concentration to remember what you are supposed to do with the paper next.

I’ll start posting progress reports regarding my current attempts at getting my shit back together as necessary. I teach high school and in the back of my mind I keep waiting for summer vacation before I kick myself into high gear. I know that’s a cop out in and of itself, but like I said, small steps. I work most of the summer, too, but my summer job is considerably less mentally fatiguing and I tend to get to the gym much more in the summer anyways.

Hopefully at some point I’ll be able to focus on writing something more entertaining in this blog other than dwelling on this deteriorating slum I call a body.


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